On Second Thought

As annoyed as I often get with people, the thought never occured to me until today.  A man was in my way and without saying anything directly to him, in fact, without saying anything at all, it seemed blatantly obvious, to me anyway, that I was trying to get by this man.  How could you not notice?  I am not walking from side to side behind you because this is fun for me.  I am moving faster than you, and you need to let me walk by you.  Anyway, the thought never occured to me as I was contemplating removing the contents from my nose and launching them at him with the highest velocity which can be generated from the middle finger or even the index finger depending on ones own personal methods, that on second hand, maybe I shouldn't.  As much as I want to be as far away as possible from this cat, someone loves him with every fiber of their being.  This guy means the world to someone despite that fact that I want him to trip on his untied shoe.  It's funny how the mind works sometimes.  I finally got by the old guy and just gave him a half smile and went along with my day.  As it turns out, it's a lot easier being a nice guy than it is to get all fired up.  Perhaps I should try this more often.  No promises that it will work or that my new found attitude will last, but I will give it a try. 

'Tis The Season

     Because I have signed a contract stating that I would not speak about my place of business in public, I wont tell you what company I work for, but I will give you a snapshot of what a day in the life of a sales manager for a  huge retailer is like. 

     Let me preface this recap by telling you that I have two young daughters, so as you can imagine, the day starts pretty early around here.

     Oh, I guess I should also mention, before I begin, that in order to survive in the fast paced world of big business, you must be able to weed out the worthless information and only process what is crucial to the needs of the business.  All the while keeping a positive attitude and your stage presence at its peak.  Afterall, 'Tis the season.  So, without further ado, I give you, "My Process" with a holiday twist.

    " Hey, can I get a discount on this?  Did you check your email even though you just walked in 2 seconds ago?  Hey John, I need a break. I know you have it, I buy it here all the time! (You're right, I've only worked here 11 fucking years.  Of course you know my inventory better than I do.)  I need your signature on this.  John, I need a break.  Can you help me with this?  I need you to train all of your employees on this immediately, even though it is the day before Thanksgiving and we are getting our asses handed to us.  Did you get those reviews done?  I need you to cut your payroll  even though you lost two of your high dollar employees this week.  I know you just got here but how did you not miraculously know that I have asked for this to get done three times this morning?  Hey John, I need a break.  I'm sorry I was 45 minutes late.  You guys usually call me when I'm late. (This one actually made me laugh, but only after the guy walked away.)  Is this the complaint department?  Just make it happen.  Come see me in the office when you have a minute.  (Shit! Now I need a break.  I think I will go take my break since I've been here for 4 hours.)  John, I need to go on my lunch.  John, you have a phone call on line 1....and line 2.  Do you work here? (No dumbass, I am wearing this name tag because I am the president of this company's fan club and I come in here to fix other people's fuckups just for the sport of it.)  John, I need my last break."

     This is a day in the life.  It is a lot like juggling cats, I would imagine anyway.  This is how it goes almost every day.  This job is not for the squeemish or weak at heart.  This job is never easy, and for some masochistic reason, we come back for more every day.  We thrive on the adrenaline rush.  We live for the challenge.  We will be back on Friday to do it all over again.  Until then, I'm taking my break.

     HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!  

             

 

    

New Chapter

     Through no fault of my own, and without provocation or request, I was surgically inserted into this world in the Autumn of 1973.  As it turns out, I am the son of a Viet Nam veteran father from Omaha, Nebraska and a Danish immigrant mother, who were never meant to be together in the first place, and later, you will understand why this is actually a good thing.

     My friends in the blogosphere, the paragraph above is a rough draft first paragraph of the book I have decided to write titled, Fatherless To Fatherhood.  Don't get me wrong, I've had a stepfather who is the most amazing man I have ever had the privilege to know, but I didn't always recognize that fact and I didn't always give him a fair chance.  For the details of it all, I guess you will have to wait until I get it all down. 

     The book will take you on a journey through a rough beginning, an amazing mother who gave her all to do it on her own, an absent father, and the promise to oneself to not let the cycle repeat itself.

     I am hoping that there are people out there who can relate to this story and how one chooses to deal with their circumstances.  I will post a page here and there for input and constructive criticism and together I think we can make this project amazing. 

6 Days

      My computer died.  It completely died.  I bought a new one, a really nice new one.  Come to find out, I needed a new wireless adapter with my new computer.  This means that I had to be without the internet for 6 days.  During this 6 day period, all I could think of was that I needed to write something on my blog.  What am I going to do?  I have the internet on my phone.  Maybe I can post from my phone.  I wont be able to post pics but my followers will understand.  That's it, I will post from my phone.  It's genius!  What?  I can't post from my phone!  There are people waiting for my post.  I'm not an ego maniac or even close to it, but I know how it is when you are looking forward to reading a post and it doesn't come.  A couple of my favorite bloggers don't post on the weekends and it drives me nuts.

     All I want to do is scribble on my blog.  I have so much to say and there is no internet connection in my house.

     Suddenly my heart bleeds for people like Mark Twain, Thomas Jefferson, Ansel Adams, old Bill Shakespere, and Ben Franklin.  The Hell they must have endured for all of those years.  Waiting and waiting through sleepless nights and endless days for their internet connection to come up so that they could post on their blogs.  For years they would wait only to meet their own fate before ever having the chance to post their pics, or read comments from their previous day's post.

     6 days I waited until finally, I was back up and running.  Last night, I sat in front of the keyboard and my new enormous monitor only to draw a complete blank.  So much to say, so many thoughts that have built up over the last 6 days, what do I say first?  Nothing.........Nothing at all.  I went to sleep disappointed in myself for not having it all planned out.  Do I talk about the holidays looming on the horizon?  Do I talk about how my lack of any sort of relationship with my father has been poking the back of my mind lately?  Do I talk about and post my friend's pictures which are completely amazing?  So many options, so much anticipation, 6 days of wanting so badly to write only to come up with nothing?  It's all there and I can't put it in any sort of order at the moment.  I guess this post can be considered my, "Hi, I'm back" post,  and tomorrow perhaps I will have it all sorted out. 

            

As F8 Would Have It

 

     I took this photo a couple of years ago at the San Diego Wild Animal Park.  This is the type of photo you take that you know you are never going to do anything with but feel obligated to take anyway because, how often are you this close to a lion without being dead?

     And then it happened, yesterday sometime before noon in a Cleveland suburb, this picture was given a purpose.

     A new friend of mine, who happens to be the author of the extremely popular, and one of my absolute favorite blogs f8hasit, decided to publicly praise my extremely unpopular by comparison blog, which caught me completely off guard. You might ask, "Why is this a bad thing, and how does the picture of the big cat tie into the whole situation?"  First, it is not a bad thing at all.  In fact, I am honored that someone of Nancy's writing caliber would take the time to read my blubbering, let alone take it a step further and give me an award for it. Second, the popularity that automatically comes with being associated with Nancy and her blog f8hasit gives you a sense of being on stage and having to perform on a much higher level.  That lion, with its stoic posture and in control  demeanor tells me one of two things.  Either he knows that he is the undisputed king of the jungle, or he too was given recognition by the iconic f8hasit and feels compelled to perform at a much higher level.

     One of the conditions of accepting this award was that I had to write a list of 5 of my current obsessions.  So, here they are in no particular order.

1. I must climb that hill behind my house very soon because it taunts me and seemingly dares me to do it.

2. Writing a weekly column for some small, local fish wrap is something that I really want to do, and figuring out how to make that happen has taken up a lot of space in my mind lately.

3. Camping, (if you call living in a trailer with running water, heat, a toilet, shower and a king size bed camping) with my family is something I love to do and in fact we have at least two trips in the pipeline as we speak.

4. The Canon Rebel T1I camera is something that I have been obsessing on lately, but I can't get the boss to let me get one without a fight.  I choose my battles wisely these days so the Nikon Coolpix will continue to do just fine.

5. Last and most definitely not least, it is football season my friends. Football season is my favorite time of year, so to answer your question Mr. Hank Williams Jr.  Yes sir, I am always ready for some football.

     Thank you very much Nancy.  I hope to be able to keep you and my new found readers entertained for a long time to come.

        

          

Tit For Tat

OK, so if you read my last post, you know that I just don't really care about a whole lot of incidental BS these days. But this one got me going for sure.  Tonight, John Allen Muhammad was executed in Virginia because of his actions in the high profile case of the DC Sniper.  So the man who killed so many people seemingly just for the sport of it is dead.  Most people would say, "Tit For Tat, justice is served."  While I think that this is just a terrible situation and that his death does not really solve anything, this is not why I bring up the topic tonight, because as I said, I really don't care.

    As  I watched Larry King on CNN cover the story tonight while the execution was being carried out, I was troubled by what one of the victim's family members had to say.  Keep in mind, my family member was not a victim so perhaps I am speaking out of turn but this is what completely blew me away.  After Muhammad was dead, Larry asked the brother of one of the victims how he felt about the whole situation and made note of the fact that Muhammad left behind family, including his own children and how terrible this whole ordeal must be for them as well.  Are you ready?  This is what floored me.  The victim's brother then says that his sister also left behind a family and children because of this senseless act and that he has absolutely no sympathy for Muhammad's family now that he is dead. 

     Whether or not you believe that he deserved to die, whether or not you believe that justice has been served, how could you not have at least an ounce of sympathy for the children who have had to deal with the fact that their father has done something so horrific and that now he is dead?

     I'd like to believe that God would want me to hand my anger up to Him and to try to find at least in some small fashion some peace in my heart after all of the time that has passed since these terrible murders.  Am I completely off track here?  Do I not have the right to speak up until my daughter is dead?  Or my mother?  Or my wife?  Could I find peace if I were in the same situation?  I hope I never have to find out.

"Are You On Drugs?"

The other night I went to my mom's house after work to collect my birthday card with a monetary gift enclosed (I'm an only child so yes, at 36 I still get birthday gifts from my mom), birthday dinner which consists of a curry gravy with white potatoes and Danish meatballs, and some nice conversation to top it all off.

     I began to explain to my lovely mother as I am going to explain to you now, that I have reached a point in my life where I am decluttering.  There are a lot of things that I just don't care about anymore. "What do you mean you don't care?", she says to me with a bewildered look on her face.  "I don't know how to explain it." I said to her with a smile.  There are things in life that people stress out about that really just don't matter.  About a month ago I was one of those people.  I stressed about work, I stressed about what people think of me, and finally something clicked and I said screw this.  Life is way too short, I am 36 years old and I am going to start living my life in a stress free manner.  At the time that I was trying to explain this to my mother, I couldn't come up with the right words that would make her understand exactly where I was coming from.  So, she says to me half-jokingly and half concerned, "Are you on drugs?"  We had a good laugh about it because she knows damn well that I am not on drugs but that I was obviously stumbling through my new found outlook on life.  I don't have it all figured out and I'm not sure exactly where this is all coming from, but as long as I am having fun I guess I will just roll with it. 

     There are still moments when I have to fight off the old ways of getting annoyed about things and have to remind myself that I DON"T CARE!  Don't get me wrong here, I do care about things, I care about my friends and family, I care about being productive at work, I care about being a good human being and a good father and husband, I just don't care about a lot of the incidentals that clutter up so much of our time.

     To this point of my blog it has been like the ascent of the roller coaster ride.  Now that you are on board and have reached the top and there is no turning back, I guess it's time to really start riding my mind.  Do you have what it takes to raise your hands above your head or are you going to close your eyes and white knuckle the handrail in front of you?  Either way, I don't care, as long as you enjoy the ride, do it however you like.