Saturday, June 5, 2010

My Tree Has Been Chopped Down





     So in the past several months, things haven't gone according to the plan that "The Boss" and I had laid out for our family.  Due to several medical bills and other unexpected expenses of being alive, we found it more and more difficult to keep up with our monthly house payment.  7 months of jumping through the flaming hoops of our mortgage company to get our loan modified, they denied us because we make too much money.  As it turns out, we make too much money to do a short sale too.  So we decided to walk away from our house and move into an apartment  so that we can have a fresh start and actually be able to enjoy our lives instead of working our asses off only to be in the red at the end of every month.  The sense of failure and overwhelming damage to the ego of a man who is supposed to be the protector and provider for his family is not easy to put into words.

     Yesterday was my first day back to work after taking a few days off to get us moved into the new apartment.  As you can imagine, I spent a good portion of the day feeling sorry for myself as I hosted a rager of a pity party in my own mind while on the outside I had to manage people and maintain a professional and positive attitude.  Late in the day, I ran into an employee who used to work for me but who now works in a different department.  We will call him Ruben, because Ruben is his name.  I haven't seen Ruben for a while so it was nice to see him.  We shook hands and exchanged pleasantries, and that's when it happened.  He said to me in his very deep Guatemalan accent, "Ju fine what choo loose."  "What?" "Ju Fine what choo loose."  "What do you mean?"  "Joor getteen big agang."

     This time last year, I lost about 25 pounds and was looking pretty good.  I have gained almost all of that weight back and I was already feeling like a big fat loser.  I could have done without a comment like that.  He is absolutely right though.  I did indeed fine what I loose.

     As tough as things may seem and as homesick and cut down as I might  feel,  my beautiful wife and daughters are happy and healthy.  That really is all that matters to me.  As long as we are together, no matter where we are, we're home.  That alone is what will get me through this with my sanity.  That and dragging my fat ass through the P90X program again. 

         

         

15 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear about the rough spot you are in. I guess I've always been growing up in that situation, but take it from my point of view, I know your family is supporting you. They know that you are there to take care of them, no matter what, and that's the important thing. So just keep going, and don't let your anger and frustrations get the better of you! You can do it! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I too have lost a house and had to move into an apartment. I blocked the windows so i could not see people. I cried for many months. I was tired of starting over. And over. And over. I was such a loser.

    Six years later, God found a house for me. I almost passed it up. But He persisted. I have been here two years now.

    Some times we have to give up something to get something better.

    Keep your faith, your family and your friends and all will work out. God Bless you and keep you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I feel for ya! We also know what it is like to have our home ripped out from under us. It's difficult to start over, but you are not alone. Many families are in the same situation.

    Hang in there and remember you are blessed with that wonderful family.

    ReplyDelete
  4. 「不可能」這個字詞,在聰明人的字典中是找不到的。 ..................................................

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi John...I am glad to hear you have a healthy & happy family, because that is all that matters. I am also happy to hear you got settled into your new cozy place. I have seen and heard of so many people in the position of losing or having to walk away from their homes. We cannot move closer to our family in CA, and had to do a Reverse Mortgage and for now, stay in Nevada.
    Hang in there and keep writing. Hold your head up, you have much to be grateful for...houses are so much work. Oh...please stop by my blog, I have something for you...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I seen now why there were no posts for a while.

    Rest assured you did the right thing. The banking industry has a big lobby in Washington hence the position a large majority of people are in today.

    The thing to remember is truly "Home is Where The Heart Is.'

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yeah, we have had our hands full over here. Sory to leave you guys hangin' for so long. I promise I will post more frequently. My wife got a message the other day from a friend asking why I haven't been writing at all. "His followers are waiting for something good." I can'tpromise that my posts will be good but I can promise that there will be more posts. 8)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Seems has if a door was closed...I have a feeling you will find an open window. I hope you and your family have many beautiful moments of happiness and love in that apartment. There is a lot to be said for a solid marriage and kiddie giggles in the background! I wish nothing but good things for you.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think you are by no means alone and even though it may take a little adjustment of expectations, I'm happy for you that you have the really important things. Nothing is stronger than a home full of family you love.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I just watched a program the other day on 60 minutes where the people decided to walk away from their home because the mortgage company wouldn't work with them. In their case most of the homes were for sale on their block, for less than half of their mortgage.

    It's a hard hit, but one that I'm sure will work out for the best in the end! I'm sure of it. IN the meantime...ENJOY your family; because that's what counts!

    p90x
    Don't even get me started on that front....
    :-)

    ReplyDelete