Saturday, June 5, 2010
My Tree Has Been Chopped Down
So in the past several months, things haven't gone according to the plan that "The Boss" and I had laid out for our family. Due to several medical bills and other unexpected expenses of being alive, we found it more and more difficult to keep up with our monthly house payment. 7 months of jumping through the flaming hoops of our mortgage company to get our loan modified, they denied us because we make too much money. As it turns out, we make too much money to do a short sale too. So we decided to walk away from our house and move into an apartment so that we can have a fresh start and actually be able to enjoy our lives instead of working our asses off only to be in the red at the end of every month. The sense of failure and overwhelming damage to the ego of a man who is supposed to be the protector and provider for his family is not easy to put into words.
Yesterday was my first day back to work after taking a few days off to get us moved into the new apartment. As you can imagine, I spent a good portion of the day feeling sorry for myself as I hosted a rager of a pity party in my own mind while on the outside I had to manage people and maintain a professional and positive attitude. Late in the day, I ran into an employee who used to work for me but who now works in a different department. We will call him Ruben, because Ruben is his name. I haven't seen Ruben for a while so it was nice to see him. We shook hands and exchanged pleasantries, and that's when it happened. He said to me in his very deep Guatemalan accent, "Ju fine what choo loose." "What?" "Ju Fine what choo loose." "What do you mean?" "Joor getteen big agang."
This time last year, I lost about 25 pounds and was looking pretty good. I have gained almost all of that weight back and I was already feeling like a big fat loser. I could have done without a comment like that. He is absolutely right though. I did indeed fine what I loose.
As tough as things may seem and as homesick and cut down as I might feel, my beautiful wife and daughters are happy and healthy. That really is all that matters to me. As long as we are together, no matter where we are, we're home. That alone is what will get me through this with my sanity. That and dragging my fat ass through the P90X program again.