Friday, January 29, 2010
A few days ago I started the P90X program and I am in a world of hurt. For those of you who don't know what P90X is all about, I will tell you. It's a fitness program equipped with a full menu of real foods that you can actually make and enjoy, (I haven't really paid attention to the nutrition part of it yet) and for 90 days this guy on the videos (12 to be more precise) kicks the living shit out of you from head to toe. I have been doing it though, and I wont say that I have been eating all heathy foods, but I can say that I am mindful of what I am eating.
Friday, January 22, 2010
One night last week, one of our young neighborhood scoundrels decided it would be funny to ring our doorbell and then take off. I wasn't home to join in the festivities, but truth be told I had a good laugh when I got the text from The Boss saying that, "Little assholes keep ding dong ditching me." Apparently this went on for about an hour or so before The Boss ran outside and yelled "KNOCK IT OFF!" This solved the problem and the girls went about their evening.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Try as I might, I have never been able to make my relationship with any New Years resolution last even until February 1st. So this year, The Boss and I have decided to have a little friendly competition that is under no circumstances to be called any sort of resolution.
On April 8th, we will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary and I have to commend the woman for having the fortitude to endure living with a neanderthal like myself for an entire decade without missing a beat.
I have never lied to you people before, so I don't intend to start now. I know my written words make me sound like a long haired, muscular, disgustingly handsome, smut novel cover worthy specimen with incredible self confidence and charm. And don't get me wrong, I'd love to let you continue to think of me in such a way. But the truth is that I am carrying some extra weight around my midsection, my hair is falling off the back of my head, and I am anything but charming. Needless to say a little self improvement is required.
So "The Boss" and I have decided to have a weight loss contest. If she reaches her goal weight by our anniversary, I must find a way to buy her the diamond ring pictured here. We saw this ring on a commercial 8 or 9 years ago so I've had plenty of time to prepare, (but of course I have not.) Here's the best part. If I reach my goal weight by the same date, I am to receive the highly coveted Canon T1i. This camera is amazing, it is expensive too, but I will never ever have to buy a camera again once I have this beauty in my hands.
So the stage has been set. The games have begun. We started this battle about a week or two ago. There is just one problem with the whole deal. All either one of us has done since the starters gun went off is eat. Damn that Santa for putting so much chocolate in my stocking. I mean what does he care? His fat ass is already famous and he can just get some overworked dwarf in his sweat shop to bang out a camera for him on a whim.
We are not focused at all, but in our defense, it isn't our fault that food is so damn delicious. Time is running out and I have a long way to go. Today is the day that I will begin my journey to a leaner, meaner me. As soon as I finish this cookie that my daughter just handed me. It's chocolate chip, how could I say no? Hey, if they made a broccoli cookie that tasted just as good I would be eating one. Wish me luck.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
So for the last few years there has been a homeless couple who have been dawning their please help me signs at the signal down by the freeway not too far from where we live. I'm guessing it has been at least to some degree a pretty lucrative location otherwise, why would they continue to stay there?
My issue is this. The woman seems to have a little trouble with controlled substances, or maybe I am the one who has the problem because I have never seen the person next to her with whom she seems to be having an in depth conversation with. Her husband or boyfriend or collegue or whoever that guy is across the street working the opposite corner is too far away to be able to hear her, so I know she isn't talking to him. I'm just saying, perhaps if she would pay a little more attention to her potential customers, she might make a lot more money and could possibly get herself out of this situation. Hey lady, I'll pay for some of your pity but you have to sell it to me instead of talking to "Mr. Perfectly Fabricated" over there.
WOW! Look at me over here swinging my gavel around pretending to know more about her industry than she does. I wouldn't presume to let her tell me about labor scheduling, logistics, profit margins or the like. So why the Hell would she listen to me trying to tell her that she needs to improve on her sitting around on the median and having people give her money while she talks to an invisible buddy like a bunch of old southern drunken men sitting in a barber shop reflecting on the war in Korea and that twister that missed town by a "kwarter mal layast nawt."
It's interesting how often times you see the same people day in and day out and yet, you really don't know anything about each other and probably never will. These two homeless cats might be the coolest people ever, and I will more than likely never give myself the opportunity to find out. I certainly wouldn't want to interupt her conversation, and he is over there on the other side of the road trying to make a living. I hope they make enough cash today to find a nice warm place to sleep.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Yesterday I wrote about taking a trip to Jalama Beach, which has sent me into a full blown camping withdrawl. Like a crack addict without his fix, I neeeed to do some camping and I need it now.
As a kid, every summer I would go on at least one camping trip with me family. Usually we would find ourselves in places like Mammoth, Yosemite, Sequoia, Kings Canyon or Big Bear. Places where you are submerged in nature and all of its beauty and hazards. In places like these, you have to hang your food from the trees or in solid steel lockers to avoid being robbed by the local bandits. 4 legged bandits who wont hesitate to remove your face from your skull in order to get that food. We saw the occasional bear and raccoons did get to our gear one time, but we never really had any run ins to write home about. I look back on those summer trips with the most fond memories.
For you indoorsy, city types, I'm sorry to go all outdoorsy on you two days in a row. I thought yesterday's post would be enough but I wasn't done just yet. I think it's out of my system now and I will move on to something different tomorrow.