Friday, October 1, 2010
Letters From Insomnia
What do you do when you have taken inventory of your sheep over and over and over again and you still can't seem to fall asleep? For seven, count them seven nights, I have had this issue. Not only have I been struggling to sleep, I have also had a hard time trying to find something to write about. So after the third night of tossing and turning with nothing really weighing on my mind, I began to take note of my worthless thoughts and started jotting them down on the moist in one corner, bar napkin in my brain. The following are some of the highlights that I thought might be worth sharing. These are all true thoughts. Some of them are so off the wall that you simply could not make them up. And in no particular order, here we go.
"Oh my, it feels good to be in bed. It's 3AM, why am I still awake? I wish there was a Kleenex within arms length, I'd get rid of this nose goblin that bounces to and fro with every breath I take. If I picked it and flicked it at the TV, I bet I could make the nanny named Fran (yeah we're Nick at Nite people) look like she has a beauty mark on her cheek. But then when it goes to commercial, I'll still have a booger on my TV. Better not do that." At that point, I actually laughed out loud. "I hope "The Boss" doesn't wake up. Ooh, "The Boss." If I grab her boob, do you think she'll wake up? Probably! Her alarm is gonna go off in an hour. Grabbing her boob at this hour isn't romantic, it's fuckin' rude. Hey, there's cold pizza in the fridge. Yeah but that's way down stairs. If I had the energy to go way down stairs, then I could walk ten steps to the bathroom to get the Kleenex that would get rid of the nose goblin that I have already considered lobbing at Fran Drescher. More work than it's worth"...........................WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP, "You're a jerk, Alarm. Only three hours of sleep, give or take." Time to get "Tall Stack" off to school and then entertain "Short Stack" until 10:30 when "The Boss" gets home.
Do you ever have trouble sleeping? Are your thoughts during those wasted hours as weird as mine? Please, tell me I'm not alone. Tell me I'm not absolutely insane. It's 2:51 AM as I close out this morning's post. I have to be up in 3 1/2 hours. Time to head up to bed. Duck and cover Ms. Fine.