Friday, October 1, 2010

Letters From Insomnia

     What do you do when you have taken inventory of your sheep over and over and over again and you still can't seem to fall asleep?  For seven, count them seven nights, I have had this issue.  Not only have I been struggling to sleep, I have also had a hard time trying to find something to write about.  So after the third night of tossing and turning with nothing really weighing on my mind, I began to take note of my worthless thoughts and started jotting them down on the moist in one corner, bar napkin in my brain.  The following are some of the highlights that I thought might be worth sharing.  These are all true thoughts.  Some of them are so off the wall that you simply could not make them up.  And in no particular order, here we go.

     "Oh my, it feels good to be in bed.  It's 3AM, why am I still awake?  I wish there was a Kleenex within arms length, I'd get rid of this nose goblin that bounces to and fro with every breath I take.  If I picked it and flicked it at the TV, I bet I could make the nanny named Fran (yeah we're Nick at Nite people) look like she has a beauty mark on her cheek.  But then when it goes to commercial, I'll still have a booger on my TV.  Better not do that."  At that point, I actually laughed out loud.  "I hope "The Boss" doesn't wake up.  Ooh, "The Boss."   If I grab her boob, do you think she'll wake up?  Probably!  Her alarm is gonna go off in an hour.  Grabbing her boob at this hour isn't romantic, it's fuckin' rude.  Hey, there's cold pizza in the fridge.  Yeah but that's way down stairs.  If I had the energy to go way down stairs, then I could walk ten steps to the bathroom to get the Kleenex that would get rid of the nose goblin that I have already considered lobbing at Fran Drescher.  More work than it's worth"...........................WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP, "You're a jerk, Alarm.  Only three hours of sleep, give or take."  Time to get "Tall Stack" off to school and then entertain "Short Stack" until 10:30 when "The Boss" gets home. 

     Do you ever have trouble sleeping?  Are your thoughts during those wasted hours as weird as mine?  Please, tell me I'm not alone.  Tell me I'm not absolutely insane.  It's 2:51 AM as I close out this morning's post.  I have to be up in 3 1/2 hours.  Time to head up to bed.  Duck and cover Ms. Fine.            


  1. Oh, 7 nights in a row, that's just brutal. When I can't sleep,my mind wander too, but probably not as colourfully as yours does. The more I try to meditate or relax the harder it gets. And then I get irritated that I can't sleep and my husband can and the selfish and childish part of me wants to wake him up and say "entertain me" but I know that would be unfair. I wish I could suggest a remedy for you. Hope tonight is more serene and restful for you. - G

  2. That is when you start taking a pm medicine. I tend to lay there and get very envious of hubby getting all that wonderful sleep. I wish I could say my thoughts were that simple, mine tend to be more towards bills and housework.

    Fling that sucker next time, just make sure you clean it up in the morning!

  3. Well, if you gotta be awake I say get those ovine ruminants to do a little work for you..send one for the kleenex, one for the pizza. Get one of them to put tomorrows dinner in the crock pot and another to wash the car.

  4. I worked mids my entire career, and once had such a severe case of insomnia I didn't sleep for nine - yes, count em, NINE - days.... I was a mess but I got a lot done around the house and put in forty hours of overtime.... SRSLY. To avoid that ever happening again I broke down and got a perscription for sleeping pills. Only had to take them when I felt a 'case' coming on, but they sure saved my sanity when I didn't want to be up and could not simply drift off. Course, then there are those nights now, when I don't choose to hit the sack until the sun is coming up, and the sheep are talking about me behind my back...