Thursday, November 26, 2009

'Tis The Season

     Because I have signed a contract stating that I would not speak about my place of business in public, I wont tell you what company I work for, but I will give you a snapshot of what a day in the life of a sales manager for a  huge retailer is like. 

     Let me preface this recap by telling you that I have two young daughters, so as you can imagine, the day starts pretty early around here.

     Oh, I guess I should also mention, before I begin, that in order to survive in the fast paced world of big business, you must be able to weed out the worthless information and only process what is crucial to the needs of the business.  All the while keeping a positive attitude and your stage presence at its peak.  Afterall, 'Tis the season.  So, without further ado, I give you, "My Process" with a holiday twist.

    " Hey, can I get a discount on this?  Did you check your email even though you just walked in 2 seconds ago?  Hey John, I need a break. I know you have it, I buy it here all the time! (You're right, I've only worked here 11 fucking years.  Of course you know my inventory better than I do.)  I need your signature on this.  John, I need a break.  Can you help me with this?  I need you to train all of your employees on this immediately, even though it is the day before Thanksgiving and we are getting our asses handed to us.  Did you get those reviews done?  I need you to cut your payroll  even though you lost two of your high dollar employees this week.  I know you just got here but how did you not miraculously know that I have asked for this to get done three times this morning?  Hey John, I need a break.  I'm sorry I was 45 minutes late.  You guys usually call me when I'm late. (This one actually made me laugh, but only after the guy walked away.)  Is this the complaint department?  Just make it happen.  Come see me in the office when you have a minute.  (Shit! Now I need a break.  I think I will go take my break since I've been here for 4 hours.)  John, I need to go on my lunch.  John, you have a phone call on line 1....and line 2.  Do you work here? (No dumbass, I am wearing this name tag because I am the president of this company's fan club and I come in here to fix other people's fuckups just for the sport of it.)  John, I need my last break."

     This is a day in the life.  It is a lot like juggling cats, I would imagine anyway.  This is how it goes almost every day.  This job is not for the squeemish or weak at heart.  This job is never easy, and for some masochistic reason, we come back for more every day.  We thrive on the adrenaline rush.  We live for the challenge.  We will be back on Friday to do it all over again.  Until then, I'm taking my break.






  1. yup.... I fondly remember those days. yup... I'm glad I don't deal with their "screw" ups Have fun John. Just think only 27 more days till its over. Then you have about 2 weeks of returns to deal with. Good times!!!!! G. PS - good read.

  2. LOL! Thanks G. Most people would think that this is just a post from a bitter employee who is venting. On the contrary, I was not venting at all. This post is almost a 100% accurate word for word recap of a small portion of my day. I am used to it and not bitter at all. This is just the way it is. This is the business I have chosen to be a part of. It is challenging and at times a little over the top. This was just my way of sharing a little bit of reality.

  3. Oh my stars however do you stand it?? Your humor comes in handy, I'm sure. It has to! Gives me a lot of respect for you. I should quit bitching about my relatively quiet job. though I do get the same kind of urgent, why isn't this done already requests from the top. But I don't deal with hourly employees needing a break! I hope you sell a bunch of stuff and get a big bonus!

  4. I always wondered why the higher ups want you to get rid of the high dollar employees. I believe that's what put the target on my back. But if I'm doing as much work as 3 of the new guys, I don't understand why you'd get rid of me.

    There I go expecting upper management to use logic again...